We awkwardly balance the heartbreak of leaving, of having known this city so intimately, with the excitement of what’s next. Try to hold close the memories, the leftovers, the echoes of these years. Over coffee Mason and I talk about all the things living in a smaller town will allow us to do. I imagine a small community, an apartment big enough for two offices, trees, space to breathe. The settling that can happen when your world is not so loud. He reaches under the table and laces his fingers in with mine, squeezing tight.
At night I stare at all the things we still need to pack. I think of the therapist I’ve been seeing for two years and my best friend. All the people I’ve met here flash through my head and I struggle to keep composure. I hold the heartbreak of leaving close to the love of forward motion. I try to imagine them as two parts of a multi-facetted piece of me. It is not all joy or sadness, it is too many feelings to go on listing. My mind pulls in several directions. My heart in as many. Straining across ventricles, a sharp ache and electric excitement fight for dominance, but neither are winning.
This hurts. This is thrilling.
Ruby Pipes 
Such a big step in life! I made a big leap myself 2 months ago and haven’t looked back. Enjoy all the new-ness coming your way 🙂
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New-ness! I was definitely in need of some. I hope you’re liking yours.
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The past and the future collide at this very moment in your post. Your Brilliant Ruby Browne, simply brilliant.
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They do! They always do. Thank you, Kristin.
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Hopefully for you, south means a warmer climate. It also means you are moving just before the snows begin to blow. Hopefully you will find joy in unpacking in the lazy days of winter, settling in and pulling your items out one by one to rediscover your memories in a new home. (I’m still unpacking and I moved in May.)
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Not much warmer, but I do now have a writing desk next to a window. The daylight helps even when there’s not much of it.
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Life is constant change. Look forward to the new adventures. Besides, Seattle will be here and you always can revisit.
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Always changing! Just when I think I have it all under control. Who am I kidding? Haha.
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I get that: the perfect counterbalance of conflicting emotions — which is how we walk across the tightrope to the other side.
Of course. ❤
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Of course it is. Even when we don’t think we can.
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And by the way: I am so very excited for you. 🙂
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I’m excited for me, too!
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good luck with your next adventure 🙂
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Thank you.
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