Autobiography · Relationships

Parting

"Sprouting!" © mekabra, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Sprouting!” © mekabra, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
I tell Andrew hearts always break in the same places. The weak points are sought out and shattered over and over again. We do not grow back stronger. It is the same hurt every time.

We know these feelings. We recognize them. We remember just how to scream into pillows and sob on staircases. We’ve been here often. We’ll return before we’re ready.

At dinner Mark stops me when I say, “I think I’ll be fine.” He holds steady until I meet his eyes.

“No. There is no ‘think’,” he says gruffly, “I know you’ll be fine. Better than fine. I know it.”

I feel almost guilty for believing him. For acknowledging the fact this is just another one of those moments we go through, that go through us. That we always walk away from. Every time.

Over and over I repeat the story. Each time becoming further removed from it. Until it’s nothing but a monologue I recite when prompted. Something I can put down and walk away from. Like the dress I threw in the trash because I was wearing it when Mason told me he wanted a divorce. Pretending I could separate myself from the statement by separating myself from the clothing.

No, it may not be that easy, but it is similar, isn’t it? We hand the words off to anyone who will listen, keeping only a tiny piece of them in a coat pocket to be discovered next season. And bit by bit time softens the edges of everything. Staircases worn down after thousands of years of footsteps. We do not remember what they looked like when they were new. That is not what makes them precious.

31 thoughts on “Parting

  1. I am not married yet in way got divorced to the one I loved the most, the story carries on same feelings diff people, almost the same everytime. I could feel every word written.well written

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  2. Dearest Ruby, I was ultimately excited to see your Blogging again…saddened that you have this happen but hopeful for you. It is always darkest right before the dawn. Keep you chin up Sista! Love & Blessings!

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  3. I never come here any more. I don’t write, and neither do the people in my reader. I’m glad you put something here. I’m glad you’re marking this. I’m glad you’re growing, as painful as it might be. I’m proud of you.

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  4. Hi Ruby
    I emailed you a little while back to thank you for the book you sent, but you may have changed your address, so I’ll repeat myself here. 🙂
    It was magical to receive your envelope and hold something that you held and wrote and into which you poured so much of yourself. Thank you so much for the present. I am really glad you found the strength to share this with us and I’m looking forward to more of your writing.
    Love, prayers, hope!
    Sindisiwe

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