Tag: sobriety

Personal Development

Daily Paradoxes

Ruby Pipes9 Comments
"The paradox of choise" © Andrei Zmievski, 2007. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
“The paradox of choice” © Andrei Zmievski, 2007. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Yesterday, I was proud of myself. I was still in a minor state of disbelief that I’d made it a year without drinking, but I was proud. And that was such a strange feeling for me.

I tried to let myself bask in it. To not push down that feeling of accomplishment with reminders about how this is a process and I still have a lot of work ahead of me. I smiled big, received hugs, and every time someone told me they were proud of me I tried to remember to say, “Me, too.” Continue reading →

Addiction

Reflecting on my first year sober

Ruby Pipes26 Comments

"The Bottom of the Bottle" © Nathan Stang, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“The Bottom of the Bottle” © Nathan Stang, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
As of today, I’ve been sober for exactly one year. My previous personal record was about three months, I think. And even then I can’t remember if it was complete sobriety or if I was on a “it’s okay if I only have one or two drinks a night” stint.

I started drinking when I was thirteen years old. That’s crazy to think about, isn’t it? I’m twenty-six now. So I spent half my life getting hammered. It came in waves, of course. Some times I drank more and at others I drank less. Getting sloshed every day or a couple times a month. But, for my entire adult life, I tied drinking tight to my identity. Continue reading →

Personal Development

River

Ruby Pipes11 Comments
"Fork you! (bw)' © Éole Wind , 2009. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
“Fork you! (bw)‘ © Éole Wind, 2009. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

“You have to entertain the idea that maybe you were wrong.”

Not that I did anything bad. Not that I misheard or acted incorrectly. But wrong in the sense that the things we used to do did not mean what we thought they did. That those same things did not make us who we assumed we were because of them.

Our brains make the same patterns over and over again. Connections reinforced our entire lives. Neurons working like muscles in groups. The most often used pathways become stronger and the others wither. Rivers cut so deep into the earth we assume they will never reroute. But they are. With time. With practice. With interference. Continue reading →