Tag: change

Autobiography

Impermanence

Ruby Pipes4 Comments

“Sprouting Onion” © Theen Moy, 2014. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
The ground has thawed. Spring is clawing up through the mud.

A line from Astronautalis keeps repeating in my head. “We swim against the tide until our every bone is broken.”

This.

We don’t think we can do this. Any of it. Keep giving it our best and knowing it isn’t even close to good enough.

But every day we keep existing is proof to the contrary. It’s always been sufficient.

Repeat.

In yoga my teacher talks about impermanence. Nothing stays. Joy, sadness, life. It all flits in and out of existence.

I roll my eyes in a very sarcastic “tell me something I don’t know” way as I exhale back into downward dog.

An hour later I approach her softly and start speaking before she turns to face me. “Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear today.”

Clawing our way up. Reaching.

Personal Development

Until You Learn

Ruby Pipes4 Comments

"Busy" © 1Q78, 2013. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“Busy” © 1Q78, 2013. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
I’m scouring for things to keep my brain occupied through winter. Things that occupy my neurons without actually making me think about existence.

Ordered a sketchbook and a new set of pastels. Logged into my Codecademy account for the first time in months. Accepted an outreach position at my coworking space. Planned my running schedule and increased my weight-training days. Stay just busy enough to keep myself solid. My feet grounded. Continue reading →

Personal Development

True Grit

Ruby Pipes2 Comments
"winter frost" © Gail Fisher, 2010. CC BY 2.0.
“winter frost” © Gail Fisher, 2010. CC BY 2.0.

For four days I did the same thing over and over out of necessity. I slept in and then stayed curled up in bed. On occasion I would transfer to the couch and fall asleep again. I’m always astounded by how quick I become used to being sick. It becomes my normal, my routine. I get entrenched in the monotony and forget it hasn’t always been like this.

I start to wonder if I’m still sick or if I’ve just gotten used to doing next to nothing. It takes less than a week to adapt to feeling powerless, but every ounce of self-discipline you can muster to get your power back again. Continue reading →