Autobiography

Hoping for Sky

"Page @ Octavia Utility Wires" © Lynn Friedman, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Page @ Octavia Utility Wires” © Lynn Friedman, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
I’ve been sick since Saturday. Stuck in bed under blankets and forcing fluids. My time has been divided between Parks and Recreation episodes, attack plans for February, and conversations peppered with statements like, “No. Stop right there. No more thinking.”

Hush, little one, sometimes rest really is all you need.

Mental Health

Balance

"Balance of Trade" © Jed Sullivan, 2013. CC BY 2.0
Balance of Trade” © Jed Sullivan, 2013. CC BY 2.0.

A friend posted something on Facebook that said, “Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” What a tragic mindset. A dangerous mentality. I appreciate the idea that complaining doesn’t do anyone favors. But I feel talking about the things that trouble us is one of the most important, powerful, and helpful things we can do for ourselves. That’s one of the reasons I keep a blog. Somehow I hope that talking about depression, about recovery, about the things that are difficult for me removes some of their power and creates a sort of community. Ever-hopeful knowing none of us are alone in this makes getting out of bed a little easier. Continue reading →

Autobiography

Running, growing, and rap music

"rune" © Alessandro Pautasso, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
run” © Alessandro Pautasso, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

The past two weeks I’ve been only just functioning. December’s introduction left me incapacitated and stumbling. Wrapped in a blanket, curled up on the couch. This week I managed to pull myself from the apartment with unwashed hair and dirty fingernails. All hazy around the edges, my heart and my head were only half-way there. The kind of week I have trouble even remembering. My word. I know, I swear, I did things.

My exercise weeks start on Thursdays. Wednesday’s scheduled rest day has had a tendency to bleed into two or five days lately. My body has no idea how to go about sleeping these days. Running and trips to the gym get scrapped for sleeping in, cups of coffee, and promises to get it done this afternoon. There is always an excuse to find later. I know I have to trick myself to going outside before I even have a chance to think about it. Can’t fall for that, “Oh, come on, you have all day.” I know that isn’t true. Plus, I’ve always preferred the morning. Continue reading →