Mental Health

Cage

"籠の鳥 (Kago no Tori: Bird in the Cage)" © halfrain, 2014. CC BY-SA 2.0.
籠の鳥 (Kago no Tori: Bird in the Cage)” © halfrain, 2014. CC BY-SA 2.0.
I take a shower. Change the sheets. Wipe down counters. Try to find my footing and start wondering if I’d even recognize stability.

Sweating. Vision blurry. My breath is shallow in my chest. My mind can’t get its claws in anything.

“Come on. Focus. You’re okay.”

A truck outside honks its horn and I scream, dropping my glass of water into the sink. Constantly jumping. Firing on all cylinders.

“Come on, kid. Breathe.”

Pacing back and forth in my apartment, digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands.

“You’re okay. You’ve been sick. Stuck inside. That’s all this is.”

Boil water. Make peppermint tea. Settle onto the couch and pull my legs up under me.

Sleeping twelve hours a day. Trying to get well physically and I can feel my mind tightening. A spindle already holding too much yarn and doesn’t know what to do with the excess.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll feel better. I’ll leave the house. Talk to someone. Stretch my legs. Get some sun. Stop understanding why caged animals gnaw off their own limbs.

4 thoughts on “Cage

  1. often it is very hard for me to push like on these posts…but i’m reading and sending healing juju.
    i hope you do get out tomorrow, that you feel a bit better.

    Like

  2. I find I do this too. I have always been jumping, dropping things and in shear panic when people surprise me. It does not go away. I am off medications and learning to heal and deal on my own. I still find I get rashes, “Hives”, all over my chest and arms when I am not doing well. I din’t even know I have a rash and jumps until I am in full panic mode.I hope with time this goes away. I feel your pain. I hope with time things get easier. I’ll pray for the same for you. Not sure if you believe in the power of prayer, but I do, so that’s all that maters. You will be in my good-nights to God moving forward. I hope you find the same peace as me, “Hugs”

    Like

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