Mental Health

The struggle to reach up

"Struggle.. for LIFE!" © Pemier Photo, 2008. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Struggle.. for LIFE!” © Pemier Photo, 2008. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Everything feels impossible lately.

I’ve decided to find comfort in that. If everything is a struggle, then nothing is harder than anything else. The work, the effort, the propulsion needed for anything I hope to do requires the same amount of energy.

A spacecraft charging out of the grasp of Earth’s atmosphere. Once I’m up there, I can do anything I want. No matter what follows, the force needed to escape gravity’s pull is the same. Continue reading →

Mental Health

As February Approaches

 "Grateful" © Tom Malavoda, 2014. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Grateful” © Tom Malavoda, 2014. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

February is coming.

We talk about how to plan an attack before I even think about the sunlight we get back now that solstice has passed. The mile-markers fly by with minimal recognition. I’m always bracing for something.

I want to feel like I’m moving forward, but every year it floors me. I try to tell myself that this year, yes, this year I can plan better. I can stick to the plan easier. I can do this. Every year I wonder what I have to figure out to make it different than the last. Then I wonder if it’s time to start blaming myself. Like I somehow force myself into bottoming out just by assuming I will. Continue reading →

Poetry

Smash

"Smashed Windows III" © James Butler, 2010. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Smashed Windows III” © James Butler, 2010. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Today you just want to break things.
Long-stemmed wine glasses hurled against walls.
Televisions thrown out windows.
Knuckles raked against brick walls,
pummeled against concrete.

We tell ourselves we can’t do such things.

Settle for scrubbing tubs.
Screaming into pillows.
Flailing around our living space
manically. Continue reading →