Tag: mindfulness

Personal Development

River

Ruby Pipes11 Comments
"Fork you! (bw)' © Éole Wind , 2009. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
“Fork you! (bw)‘ © Éole Wind, 2009. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

“You have to entertain the idea that maybe you were wrong.”

Not that I did anything bad. Not that I misheard or acted incorrectly. But wrong in the sense that the things we used to do did not mean what we thought they did. That those same things did not make us who we assumed we were because of them.

Our brains make the same patterns over and over again. Connections reinforced our entire lives. Neurons working like muscles in groups. The most often used pathways become stronger and the others wither. Rivers cut so deep into the earth we assume they will never reroute. But they are. With time. With practice. With interference. Continue reading →

Mental Health

Trahere

Ruby Pipes4 Comments

"'Starry Night'...The Rains of Isaac Falling" © Viewminder, 2012. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“‘Starry Night’…The Rains of Isaac Falling” © Viewminder, 2012. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Hydroplaning. Enough water to lose friction, but not enough to create more. I feel like if I had just a little more ache I could name it. If I had just a little less I wouldn’t have to.

I talk about how I got up this morning. When the alarm clock went off, even. On less than twelve hours of sleep. Amazing. I revel in my ability to take a shower and put on clothes. To leave the house. Keep appointments. Can it count as friction? Please. Something to give me a little traction so I feel less like I’m sliding. Careening. Out of control. Helpless.

My shoes skid across the sidewalk and I swear I’m floating. People are just blurs of hats and scarves. Sunglasses. Warm, fuzzy blobs of color and noise. I am completely disconnected. Nothing you’re saying sounds like words. I smile, but I don’t see you. Not really. Keep my hands in my pockets, unsure if I’d actually feel my touch on anything. Begging to feel like I’m residing in my own body. Like I have any sway over what happens in my head. Continue reading →

Autobiography

Compassion

Ruby Pipes4 Comments
forestforthetrees
“Forest for The Trees” © Emily Horne and Joey Comeau, 2014. a softer world.

Florence Scovel Shinn said, “When you send out real love, real love will return to you.” I think that’s the only way you receive it. You get out what you put in. You see the things you’re looking for. It’s easy to forget. Fall victim to the idea everything is cruel. Fail to realize there are kind things, too. You just stopped seeing them. It becomes ingrained. Accidental habits. Maybe that’s just one of the those things depression does to you. Rolls the fog in. Puts the blinders on. When you’re hurting it’s hard to see the goodness in the world.

It’s hard to see it happen, though. I understand. Bit by bit the softness goes away. Sitting in a room, having a conversation. You don’t notice the sun going down until you can’t see the person in front of you. As if the night landed all at once. When did this happen? When did I become so hopeless? So negative. So angry. Continue reading →