Tag: friendship

8/365
Gratitude

8/365

Ruby Pipes8 Comments

I was supposed to wake up at 5 AM this morning and go running. Instead I slept in until 8 AM, lazed around, went to the coffee shop, at a savory croissant, and drank a delicious cup of coffee. Generally I would beat myself up about this for the next week, but today I gave myself permission to do it. To listen to myself, to take time off, to just be. That is awesome. That is growth.

It’s been almost a year since our (not even remotely mutual) decision to divorce and Mase and I have had a strained relationship for most of it. Today we got together, ate lunch, took a walk, worked at a coffee shop, and had dinner together. He was my best friend for five years and it’s nice to know we are both willing to put in the work to figure out how to build a post-marriage friendship.

It’s forty degrees and raining again in Seattle. Luckily, I am well-equipped with rain-ready clothing. My boots and coat made the two hour walk I just took very comfortable in what could have been rather miserable conditions.

7/365
Gratitude

7/365

Ruby Pipes2 Comments

Today I saw an ivy plant growing up a fence post. It didn’t seem to be hanging on to anything, just pressing hard and reaching. I feel a lot like that lately. Suspended in air, but somehow still moving forward, up. I’m glad to know other things are doing it successfully.

I took myself out dancing last night. Came home at 12 AM all sweaty and smiling. I haven’t gone out dancing at a bar since I was like 19 probably. Sure, I’ve been to shows and what not, but not a dance floor and a DJ type thing. It was a blast. I am so grateful to my friend who told me about the event in the first place and all the people I asked to give me pep talks about going out alone.

Coffee. I needed a lot of coffee today. And there was plenty of it.

Backward
Autobiography · Mental Health

Backward

Ruby Pipes3 Comments

We get coffee while it’s dark out. Our reflections bouncing off the window back at us. The barista plays a Dashboard Confessional album I haven’t listened to since about 2004. He hadn’t either. Something in the air made him want to put it on. Something about the mood. Like we are all going backward.

I remember what it felt like to be in high school. Remember the growing pains. Journal after journal filled with questions about how to survive, but no answers. Just postpone. Always just postpone.

My sister tells me that suicide does not put an end to pain, it just transfers it. And that’s the only thing that has ever really sunk in. I can’t imagine making someone feel the way I feel.

But there are also moments. While we share our warm drinks. While I answer customer questions at work. While I walk with music blasting through headphones. While we drive home at 3 AM singing loud to pop songs. Andrew’s head resting on my lap while I write this.

There is still goodness out there. There is still goodness in here. We haven’t lost it all yet. Maybe we never will.

Photo courtesy of Alex Wong.