Poetry

Settling

"Rubble Inukshuk" © maegon02, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Rubble Inukshuk” © Maegan Pauls, 2009. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Sink into stillness.

Cancel appointments with doctors
wanting to discuss diagnoses and
possible plans of treatment.

Taper off medication and
put supplements back
in the freezer.

Plot out a schedule to serve me for the
next six months with
minimal modification.

Hands on my husband’s hips I ask him,
“Will you please just tell me if
what we’re doing isn’t working?
Can it please be safe for me to assume,
unless I hear otherwise,
things are running smoothly?”

Always try to improve.
To change.
Plan a different way to do
everything long before I have proof the
current approach busted.

Every tendon, muscle, nerve, and neuron
from toes to temples is
begging for a break.
“Please. Just let me settle.”

Tread water.
Breathe.
We do not need to push forward constantly.

Those safe places and
longed-for ease perhaps only present themselves
when we let ourselves go and
just be.

Mental Health

The struggle to reach up

"Struggle.. for LIFE!" © Pemier Photo, 2008. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Struggle.. for LIFE!” © Pemier Photo, 2008. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Everything feels impossible lately.

I’ve decided to find comfort in that. If everything is a struggle, then nothing is harder than anything else. The work, the effort, the propulsion needed for anything I hope to do requires the same amount of energy.

A spacecraft charging out of the grasp of Earth’s atmosphere. Once I’m up there, I can do anything I want. No matter what follows, the force needed to escape gravity’s pull is the same. Continue reading →