Poetry

Sharing Silence

I’m alone” © Vinoth Chandar, 2011. CC BY 2.0..
I grew up around fire pits
and on long drives to nowhere
With conversations that always felt
we were leaving something important out

Bottles of bourbon hidden in trunks
and Altoids containers filled with prescription pills
rattling around in the bottom of my purse

We became experts at deflecting questions
At making excuses
Putting on faces and telling each other
“it’s not as bad as all that”

Always thought we’d ask for help
when it got bad enough
Until then
we’d just roll with it

Sitting on the steps at Jason’s apartment
we didn’t talk about anything
and pretended it was a choice to share a silence
instead of an inability to let each other in

And even when his mom found him
swinging from the rafters
of the house he grew up in
We told ourselves we were all perfectly capable
of carrying the weight alone

Poetry

Make it fit

Untitled” © Silvia Sala, 2012. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

for Pat K.

She called my writing courageous
I tried to climb inside the word
Wear it like a second-hand jacket
which once held stories that were not mine
but now would only know the slope of my shoulders
and the place my elbows bend

Wanted desperately for it to fit
Turned it over in my hands
Traced all the stitches with my fingertips
sure I’d find it falling apart at the seams

But it was true enough
It fit well enough

No matter how well I know
it’s all about the things
still layered underneath

Feelings there are no words for

Not yet

Poetry

Masa

"Mexican tortilla" © David Boté Estrada, 2014. CC BY-SA 2.0.
Mexican tortilla” © David Boté Estrada, 2014. CC BY-SA 2.0.
This afternoon I went out for Mexican food
Well after the lunch rush
That quiet, empty space between meal times

Sat in a big, bright room alone
A man crooning Spanish over an accordion
played on the sound system
Accompanied by the clinking of ice in my glass and
the sound of my fork on my plate

Behind a curved glass wall
a woman stood making fresh tortillas

When I lived alone in Portland I made tortillas, too

Measured the masa by handful
Added water until I could feel the right consistency
Threw in a pinch of salt
Made balls of dough and
pressed them in that big, wooden contraption
someone must have also made by hand
Cooked them on hot cast iron
Flipped them with my fingers
Just like the Guatemalan grandmothers
on the YouTube videos do

I made piles of them and fed them to everyone
Ate them with nothing but a spritz of lime

Soft tortillas pressed against the flesh of our lips
Cut by the lightest pressure of slippery teeth
We didn’t think about how everything we do is wrong
and it hurts all the time

Just ate our fill