Personal Development

True Grit

Ruby Pipes2 Comments
"winter frost" © Gail Fisher, 2010. CC BY 2.0.
“winter frost” © Gail Fisher, 2010. CC BY 2.0.

For four days I did the same thing over and over out of necessity. I slept in and then stayed curled up in bed. On occasion I would transfer to the couch and fall asleep again. I’m always astounded by how quick I become used to being sick. It becomes my normal, my routine. I get entrenched in the monotony and forget it hasn’t always been like this.

I start to wonder if I’m still sick or if I’ve just gotten used to doing next to nothing. It takes less than a week to adapt to feeling powerless, but every ounce of self-discipline you can muster to get your power back again. Continue reading →

Autobiography

Hoping for Sky

Ruby Pipes2 Comments

"Page @ Octavia Utility Wires" © Lynn Friedman, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“Page @ Octavia Utility Wires” © Lynn Friedman, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
I’ve been sick since Saturday. Stuck in bed under blankets and forcing fluids. My time has been divided between Parks and Recreation episodes, attack plans for February, and conversations peppered with statements like, “No. Stop right there. No more thinking.”

Hush, little one, sometimes rest really is all you need.

Mental Health

As February Approaches

Ruby Pipes6 Comments
"Grateful" © Tom Malavoda, 2014. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“Grateful” © Tom Malavoda, 2014. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

February is coming.

We talk about how to plan an attack before I even think about the sunlight we get back now that solstice has passed. The mile-markers fly by with minimal recognition. I’m always bracing for something.

I want to feel like I’m moving forward, but every year it floors me. I try to tell myself that this year, yes, this year I can plan better. I can stick to the plan easier. I can do this. Every year I wonder what I have to figure out to make it different than the last. Then I wonder if it’s time to start blaming myself. Like I somehow force myself into bottoming out just by assuming I will. Continue reading →