Addiction

Reflecting on my first year sober

Ruby Pipes26 Comments

"The Bottom of the Bottle" © Nathan Stang, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
“The Bottom of the Bottle” © Nathan Stang, 2011. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
As of today, I’ve been sober for exactly one year. My previous personal record was about three months, I think. And even then I can’t remember if it was complete sobriety or if I was on a “it’s okay if I only have one or two drinks a night” stint.

I started drinking when I was thirteen years old. That’s crazy to think about, isn’t it? I’m twenty-six now. So I spent half my life getting hammered. It came in waves, of course. Some times I drank more and at others I drank less. Getting sloshed every day or a couple times a month. But, for my entire adult life, I tied drinking tight to my identity. Continue reading →

Autobiography

Red, white, and green

Ruby Pipes4 Comments
"White-Pine-Aurora" © Charlie Stinchcomb, 2005. CC BY 2.0.
“White-Pine-Aurora” © Charlie Stinchcomb, 2005. CC BY 2.0.

Last night I had a series of dreams that woke me up at six o’clock this morning, drenched in sweat and clutching my chest. Deep breath. Deep breath. Okay, you’re okay. I splash cold water on my face and curl back into bed with Mason.

The omnipresent list of things I need to get done today starts its march through my head, but I stop it. I remind myself that it’s a holiday. I did all the cooking yesterday, Mason’s gifts are wrapped and under the bookshelf. Today there is nothing pressing. Today is just for breathing, for loving, for peace. Continue reading →