Each word is another snowflake leading up to the avalanche. Creating something which used to not be there. Destroying that which used to be safe.
Don’t write about it. Your words are sharp, broken glass under delicate feet. Thoughts like drops of water, each one insignificant, but they come on like a flash flood. You’re drowning.
Sometimes writing can serve as a way to sort. Pulling belongings out of the bottom of your backpack, putting them in the correct drawer. But today writing is doing nothing but fanning your anxious flames. Pulling the cord on a chainsaw until it screams to life and you’re left wailing on the floor.
Don’t write about it. Take a breath and divert your attention. Watch TV, take a walk, make huge gashes of color with markers across a blank piece of paper. Crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “This is really fucking hard.” But don’t say why.
Ruby Pipes 
exactly.
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I’m so glad you get it.
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I’ve been thinking alone these lines more and more. “I refuse to give Despair my pen.”
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I like that a lot.
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It sounds like you are really hurting, and my heart is going out to you. It is really fucking hard. Could it be that there doesn’t have to be a reason why. Maybe you don’t need to explain yourself or justify yourself or your feelings? I hope you can find a way to write through whatever it is, to find a way past the pain, to write yourself new channels, healthy pathways, make fresh connections. ❤️
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Thank you, Lulu. That’s the plan. ❤
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I can see the point of that. But my experience of not-writing it is that the words continue to cut channels deeper and deeper into my psyche, gaining weight and gathering darkness the more I try to keep them trapped. I hope your experience is that your determination to give yourself an influx of outside and sunshine and twinklysparklygoodness is one which pays off and displaces the bads and sads.
hugs
It’s really fucking hard. But it won’t always be.
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This is true. It definitely has to be the type of thing you can distract yourself from for this to work. Otherwise you’re just stuck repeating it over and over until you get it out through some written words.
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I tend to use writing as a bit of a braindump and get it all out. Helps me unsnaggle it a bit as I go. I know it doesn’t work for everyone though, so I shall wish you light and happiness and bright sunshine for your day. Keep rainbowing 🙂
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Sometimes it works just like that. Sometimes not. I guess it’s not just that everyone is different, but everyone is different from themselves sometimes, too.
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This feeling is so well put.
Somehow its a comfort to know I am not alone and that the hurt is not unique to my own.
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I’m so glad you could get that from this piece. There’s comfort there for me, too.
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This is actually amazing
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Thank you, Shyra.
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Some days avoidance is the best prescription. Your metaphors are very powerful. It seems so many I know (including myself) are struggling so much more at the moment. We are not alone. Hang in there through the hardest days. We are all reaching out our arms and holding onto each other.
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Thank you. I like to think we’re holding each other up lately, too.
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I love this and am unsure of why it has taken so long for me to find you.
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Thank you! I’m so glad you found me!
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Me too. Excuse my annoyance but I’m just reading through your posts now.
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